Now I would consider myself a real guys girl. I watch sports, I'm smart, I'm down for a lot and I got that good. But in the past I've found myself surrounded by so many guys. Variety would have been nice but they were all basically the same type; bad boy, in their twenties, with weird street names like "spade" or "solo." Now I've always had a thing for older men because I feel like men my age can't handle me, but why always the bad boy. I mean yea it's fun to feel dangerous but who wants the collect call from the Prince George's Correctional Facility? Now don't get me wrong, there are some thugs out there who take really good care of their girlfriends and treat them like the queens they are. But on the other side you've got them thug boys who are controlling and jealous. Miss one phone call and you had to have been out cheating. Talk to a boy, you had to have slept with him before. Boys asking questions, he wants to get at you and you're considering letting him. Dress too sexy or reveal a little to much, you're planning on finding a new man or cheating. This kind of relationship is so draining! You've got to make sure you say the right thing, wear the right thing, and "be in your place." Pardon my french but what the hell was I thinking? Who wants or needs that kind of stress? Apparently at the time I loved that kind of stress because not only would I talk to one boy like that oh no, I would talk to a bunch of boys like that at one time! I had Rob pimping game about how much he wanted to see me in one ear, Monty talking about how much of a down chic I was and he couldn't wait to see what I was like alone, Eman talking about how I was scared and couldn't handle it but he would love to let me try. I had a Skip (his new name from me since he is a skip) who didn't like me talking to any of my guy friends, tried to control would I could wear, was so controlling and actually would try and "spank" me like a parent does their child! But no more and never again. I think I finally got it right this time. Now Joe, he's not your average Joe but he's not the typical a**holes I date. There is something about him that just makes me want to smile all over when I talk to him, about him or even think about him. He's sweet, sarcastic, real, and mine. I mean this is a new relationship but I like where this could lead.


**comments welcome!

What is love? Do you define it as a life style or how you feel? As a feeling I guess love hasn't done me true justice in the past. As a lifestyle I can say I've had a great love life. Being the girl who didn't like the feeling of being tied down to one guy, you tend to go on a lot of dates and meet alot of new people. I had friends who had been with boyfriends for years and were truly happy, so what was wrong with the one relationship I had for a year? I couldn't stand the routine. My best friend Mercedes had yet to be with a serious boyfriend, or a temporary boyfriend at that. But here I was going through boy after boy like they were clothes. Most people would label that as promiscuous or a player but I never was exclusive with any of them. I guess I just liked having the different options. Bridget's relationship with Steven was amazing. They've been together for such a long time and are truly in love. But why does Bridget still find the need to go and date other boys? Are we one in the same in our search and want for more? I seem to sabotage each relationship I get into by keeping people at a distance. My last relationship I opened up and got hurt so bad. So I decided not to let anyone get to close. So how do you open up and not hurt others with out getting hurt?

As I begin a new relationship with a truly amazing guy, I find myself now worrying about whether or not I'm going to ruin this relationship. Cross my fingers, hope for the best.


**comments welcome!

My senior year of high school was just for me and my "crew". We lived our final year of high school out like it was just another year. I had my girls Mercedes, Bridget, Angelica, Terry and can't forget about my boys Ray, Rasaan, Julian, Bibas, Kj, Jon, Erik, Ali, well lets just say the list can go on and on and on. Each one of us was the same but different. We had grown from sophmore year associates to senior year close friends. We all couldn't wait to graduate high school but we never really thought about what would happen afterwards. We never imagined that only a few months later most of us would lose contact. We had been through so much with each other, break ups, new relationships, hard times, pains. The night of my 17th birthday party one of my now good friends was in a car accident leaving my house. I had to return to the party after seeing her lying in the grass bloody and unconsicous. In the end as sad as it may sound, that brought all of us closer together.

A joke us seniors had going since I broke up with my ex was his "new" girlfriend.  Her name was Tabitha and she was a senior at our school. She was in so many classes with all our friends. Only one thing (one real thing anyway) was wrong with Tabitha...she was invisible! No one had ever seen her before but apparently she was everywhere. People had only talked to this no existent person on the phone but apparently she was "around". Was this just some cock story he had pulled to make me jealous because unlike him I had moved on and thought I was happy. Or maybe he lost his mind and really thought someone was there! Who knows, whatever the case we all had a good laugh.

Life after high school is a whole new beginning. It's like nothing that mattered in the beginning, matters anymore. You gain new interests in life, love and friends. After seventeen years of life I feel like I'm finally learning who Ashley is. Does it take something as big as graduation to truly discover yourself? Or what about discorvering new relationships, friends and lovers? As I embark on this new chapter in my life, I'm excited and nervous. How different will it be, How similar will it be? Whatever the expierence I'm ready and waiting for the best.

**comments welcome!